Staying Connected

happy-marriage

Top ten suggestions on how to keep your marriage love alive or what I wish I knew on my wedding day:

  1. Do everything in your power to help facilitate the other person being what they were created to be and to do, without keeping score. This is a covenant; you bring all that’s you (good, bad and the in between) and give to your spouse. Totally giving yourself to the other. Yes, it takes time to build that kind of trust but it’s a process of truly becoming one that’s worth investing your life’s energy into. Think about what your marriage can be if both spouses give all they can to the other.
  2. Embrace and learn to celebrate the differences of each other instead of trying to form the other into your image…. which is not to say that we couldn’t use some training from our spouse on what’s good and appropriate for the other. Learn to love the other how they need to be loved not how you want to or how it is convenient for you to love.
  3. Focus on the good in the other person and the good aspects of your marriage instead what is not so good and what hasn’t happened yet. Balance your expectations for life and your spouse versus what happens through certain chapters of everyday life. The main reason relationships get sideways is expectations that one has in unrealistic time frames. We grow and change at different rates. Remember marriage is not a commitment for a couple of years but a lifetime.
  4. Don’t believe that the honeymoon will end. In fact, if done correctly the honeymoon is only the beginning and should continually increase in love, romance and trust.
  5. Confrontation is healthy, inevitable and necessary. How to do it with respect for most is a life long pursuit. Make the issues, the issue. As long as you both may live, don’t say words that tear the other one down. Don’t use phrases like “you always, you never.”  Never allow the word divorce to be spoken.
  6. Be nice to each other. Remember your spouse is not the enemy. Don’t take your frustrations out on each other.
  7. Be transparent. You now have a partner to help navigate the challenges of your life. Don’t keep temptations, weaknesses and especially sin in the dark. Be honest about your stuff and hopefully it’ll bring the same honesty forward in them.
  8. Life & marriage are what you make it; you have the opportunity and the power everyday to make it kind, warm and joyful.
  9. Make your parent’s ceiling your floor. It has always been God’s plan that each generation learn from their parent’s mistakes, but also to take their strengths to a higher level. Both set of parents want the richest blessings for their kid’s marriages: physically, financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
  10. And when you forget all the above, remember the 12 most important words in marriage:  I am sorry, I love you.  Please forgive me, I was wrong.

One of the most powerful acts you can participate in with your spouse is to tell them, “I choose you.  I love you very much.  My goal with you today is connection.”  When this is practiced with intentionality and sincerity, I promise you will huge results of intimacy that you long for.

Love should be at the genesis of every marriage and hopefully it will remain as the abiding force that keeps both husband and wife connected to each other.  When both the husband and wife take responsibility to do what is best in their marriage, love can and will grow.   I always like to challenge every married couple to read I Corinthians 13:4-7 daily and together if possible.  God’s word is our plumb line to keep everything in proper balance and alignment.  When we do marriage HIS way, we will always be successful.

***Bill and Lisa Roitsch are Marriage Mentors who love to coach and disciple marriages to stay together, grow together and stay connected to the pure source of all love and power – the Lord Jesus Christ.  Visit their website at:  http://www.powerofhislove.com

 

Friends With Benefits

friendship

I always like to take the week between Christmas and New Year and contemplate all of the past year. For me, 2016 was packed full of surprises, pain, joy and tight pressure from situations that God used to shape me more into His image.  Sometimes restricting me to the point where I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  But God……

As I was sitting in my easy chair today, drinking my lukewarm coffee, I began to entertain the thought of how rich I have become. Now, before you think I am bragging, please understand that my fullness does not come from earthly possessions or material treasures.  Rather, my wealth is found in the abundance of amazing people that have chosen to walk through this season of life with me.  To be specific, my girlfriends.

So, I have decided to dedicate this blog to all the incredibly strong women in my life. Some I have only known for a few months and others, I have known for over 30 years.  Each of you are special, unique and my life would be poverty stricken without you in it.

When I ponder all my girlfriends, tears well up and begin to fall on my lap. I have always prayed and asked God to bring people into my life that He knows will be best for me and wow! has He answered that prayer a thousand-fold!

I think of my oldest friend who has recently moved away and I don’t get to see as much, but now I have a beautiful lake house to go enjoy the hill country with. And then there is my oldest homeschool, all girls family friend, who is like a blood sister in so many ways.  We can go months without speaking and then pick right back up where we last left.

I have some friends who have lived across from me or next to me and know things that no one else does – hee hee!   I pause to muse on one of my newest friends who I found through a “google” search and realized she lived only 25 minutes from my house – my life is so much richer!  I remember friends who have mentored me from afar through their books and writings and then become mentors in the faith for me close up.  Friends who have encouraged me, cheered me on, trusted me and loved me unconditionally.

There are so many friends whom I have raised my girls with, cried with, prayed with, and laughed with. Bold and beautiful….women who are leaders in their ministry, or work place and home.  Tall girlfriends, short ones, little and petite and the lovely curvy ones.  For me, each woman represents a special answer to my prayers.

Our marriages have not been perfect, and our kids certainly have not been. But these women have modeled and shown me how to be strong in weakness.  I think of all the scriptures we have memorized together over the years, all the bible studies we have done, and the long telephone conversations asking each other questions and sometimes never arriving at an answer.

{Big Sigh} Would you like to take the time to sit back with me and name all the wonderfully, imperfect people in your life? You may be surprised and end up embracing a new level of hope and joy, as I have.

I pray you have a friend who will bail you out of jail when there was a big misunderstanding over a check you wrote, or a friend who will drive for hours in the night just to see you.  I pray you have a friend who will allow you the luxury of staying at her house when you needed a fun place to stay instead of paying for a hotel.  Or perhaps you need a friend who knows just the right cheesy card to send you when you are having a bad day.

Bravo, bravo to all the wives who I have sobbed with and counseled to keep loving their marriage, their spouse and their family. Sometimes, the world tells you to “just throw in the towel”….but that was NEVER an option for you!   Thank You!  For I have become a better person because YOU didn’t quit!

Here, here to girlfriends! Homage to all the women who refuse to give up!  Who don’t back down and love a good challenge.  Blessings to all the fearless ladies who have raised children, kept their marriages, sometimes with passion and sometimes with pain, cooked countless meals, cleaned up poop and throw up and then rescued the neighborhood’s stray animal.  To all the women and ladies who have ministered to the homeless, counted out their last change to give away, and who stood and believed when you were not able….

WELL DONE! You are a good and faithful servant and friend!

I love to read Oswald Chambers, My Upmost for His Highest. At the beginning of every year, I read the first post, January 1.  At the close of his writing, Oswald states, “When we think seriously about what it will cost others if we obey the call of Jesus, we tell God He doesn’t know what our obedience will mean. Keep to the point— He does know. Shut out every other thought and keep yourself before God in this one thing only— my utmost for His highest. I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone.”

I am so blessed to be surrounded by women who have determined to keep themselves entirely for HIM! For Christ alone. I have not done this perfectly, and neither have they, but I sure am grateful that we know the One who did!

To all the faithful ones, the forgiven, the saints……thank you Robin, Nicole, Tina, Michelle, Charlotte, DeeAnn, Maggie, Kathi, Gloria, Susan, Gail, Carolyn, Angela, Kim, Toni, LeeAnn, Diana, Victoria, Jean, Monica, Jodi, Ghia, Melissa, Billie, Amanda, Gigi, Tiffani, Ronnie, Adryanna, Shannon, Vanessa, Laura, and of course, Carissa, Loryn and Kaleigh Ann, my 3 “grown up” angels.  #bebrave

http://www.lisaroitsch.com

 

 

Divine Romance

Divine Romance

Is It The Greatest Challenge on Earth???

My husband and I have been together for over 27 years with 3 grown daughters who are our delight and joy!

To say that our home and union has always been filled with unconditional love, peace and joy would be a false statement and would be deceitful. Marriage is hard work!  Two becoming one requires death, sacrifice and an unwavering commitment to the vows you proclaimed on your wedding day.  Some days are extremely painful and there can be feelings of rejection, anger and betrayal.  There are moments when you believe “I should have never married this person” and doubt can cloud everything sacred. Being married forces you to face some ugly character issues you would probably NEVER realize otherwise. But the good news is you are not alone and you do not lack the resources needed to restore and rebuild a marriage that is crumbling.

Strong marriages, Christian or not, will be struck by lightning – sexual temptations, communication problems, major frustrations and unrealized expectations. But I have concluded that if Christian marriages especially, are watered with the word and presence of Christ daily, then conditions will not be ready for a destroying fire to consume them and/or their families.

“If I am only married for happiness and my happiness wanes for whatever reason, one little spark will burn the entire forest of my relationship.” ~ Gary Thomas

One of the reasons that my husband and I have determined to keep our marriage together is not because doing so would make us both happy, and it hasn’t been because we did not want our kids to know the pain of divorce (because we certainly did not). The main motivation for keeping my marriage in tact is because of the vows I made to God the day I surrendered my life to Him.  Since one of my core values is based on proclaiming God’s message of love and reconciliation to the world, I realized that my marriage needed to reflect this truth.  How can I love mankind unconditionally and proclaim reconciliation to the world if my marriage is seeking to be dissolved and finished?

Putting my relationship with Christ first becomes the plumb line for everything else in my life to hang on. When pleasing my heavenly Father is more important than pleasing my spouse or myself, there is balance and order that can produce fruit that others can enjoy.  Not giving up when things get tough, and learning to lean into the pain of conflict and being misunderstood is a huge victory.  One that will produce life, growth and maturity.  Our old pastor used to teach us that marriage is a tool designed by God to conform us into the image of Jesus.  The choice is to allow the tool to be effective in our life or not.

I am convinced that God planted marriage among mankind in order to display the mysteries of His own eternal and spiritual existence. Marriage can become a vehicle that will catapult you into knowing your Creator in ways you never imagined and your life can be filled with deep purpose and satisfaction as you grow to know and love Him fully.  Let us take the challenge of “being fully enlightened to know Him and His calling” (Ephesians 1:18)

May we ever have before us the knowledge that our marriage is not just about “us” but about what God is building through and in us. It is about growing His kingdom on earth and displaying His forgiveness, love and redemption in all ways to all people.  I want my life, marriage and my children to be so fruitful that the world cannot not deny the goodness of God’s spirit living in and through us.  I want everyone who comes into contact with us to benefit from HIS life in us.  For where the kingdom of God dwells there is righteousness, peace and joy! (Romans 14:17)

Let us conclude with this thought: Perhaps the real purpose of marriage is not for my own happiness as much as it is for His holiness.

“Those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.” 2 Corinthians 5:15

****I have read countless books on marriage but my all time favorite is “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas.  If you are serious about your relationship with God and your spouse then get a copy today – read it together and pray daily for one another.  I promise you will not regret it!

With deep love and affection – Lisa

http://www.lisaroitsch.com