Staying Connected

happy-marriage

Top ten suggestions on how to keep your marriage love alive or what I wish I knew on my wedding day:

  1. Do everything in your power to help facilitate the other person being what they were created to be and to do, without keeping score. This is a covenant; you bring all that’s you (good, bad and the in between) and give to your spouse. Totally giving yourself to the other. Yes, it takes time to build that kind of trust but it’s a process of truly becoming one that’s worth investing your life’s energy into. Think about what your marriage can be if both spouses give all they can to the other.
  2. Embrace and learn to celebrate the differences of each other instead of trying to form the other into your image…. which is not to say that we couldn’t use some training from our spouse on what’s good and appropriate for the other. Learn to love the other how they need to be loved not how you want to or how it is convenient for you to love.
  3. Focus on the good in the other person and the good aspects of your marriage instead what is not so good and what hasn’t happened yet. Balance your expectations for life and your spouse versus what happens through certain chapters of everyday life. The main reason relationships get sideways is expectations that one has in unrealistic time frames. We grow and change at different rates. Remember marriage is not a commitment for a couple of years but a lifetime.
  4. Don’t believe that the honeymoon will end. In fact, if done correctly the honeymoon is only the beginning and should continually increase in love, romance and trust.
  5. Confrontation is healthy, inevitable and necessary. How to do it with respect for most is a life long pursuit. Make the issues, the issue. As long as you both may live, don’t say words that tear the other one down. Don’t use phrases like “you always, you never.”  Never allow the word divorce to be spoken.
  6. Be nice to each other. Remember your spouse is not the enemy. Don’t take your frustrations out on each other.
  7. Be transparent. You now have a partner to help navigate the challenges of your life. Don’t keep temptations, weaknesses and especially sin in the dark. Be honest about your stuff and hopefully it’ll bring the same honesty forward in them.
  8. Life & marriage are what you make it; you have the opportunity and the power everyday to make it kind, warm and joyful.
  9. Make your parent’s ceiling your floor. It has always been God’s plan that each generation learn from their parent’s mistakes, but also to take their strengths to a higher level. Both set of parents want the richest blessings for their kid’s marriages: physically, financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
  10. And when you forget all the above, remember the 12 most important words in marriage:  I am sorry, I love you.  Please forgive me, I was wrong.

One of the most powerful acts you can participate in with your spouse is to tell them, “I choose you.  I love you very much.  My goal with you today is connection.”  When this is practiced with intentionality and sincerity, I promise you will huge results of intimacy that you long for.

Love should be at the genesis of every marriage and hopefully it will remain as the abiding force that keeps both husband and wife connected to each other.  When both the husband and wife take responsibility to do what is best in their marriage, love can and will grow.   I always like to challenge every married couple to read I Corinthians 13:4-7 daily and together if possible.  God’s word is our plumb line to keep everything in proper balance and alignment.  When we do marriage HIS way, we will always be successful.

***Bill and Lisa Roitsch are Marriage Mentors who love to coach and disciple marriages to stay together, grow together and stay connected to the pure source of all love and power – the Lord Jesus Christ.  Visit their website at:  http://www.powerofhislove.com

 

The Ironies of the Cross

Streams in the desert

Our God works in mysterious ways. He reminds us of this in the book of Isaiah, that His ways are not our ways, nor are His thoughts our thoughts.  The bible is a book stacked with irony and full of mystery.  The first irony I want to look at today is of the cross.

It is where we see evil intention being transformed into divine salvation.

God interrupted the evil schemes of man and Satan when He resurrected Christ from the dead. For we read in the book of Acts that death could not hold Him.  God, in His divine justice, overruled all wicked intentions and used their very acts of disobedience to bring life and salvation to the entire world, for anyone who would receive.

The second irony we see is that resurrection comes THROUGH crucifixion. The cross represents death, pain and suffering.  It is out of this death that LIFE appears.  To personalize this truth, we realize that our own death to self must occur so that we can encounter HIS glorious life and vanquish all evil in our being.  Jesus so eloquently tells us in the book of John, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels–a plentiful harvest of new lives. Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.  Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves me.” John 12:24-26 NLT

Inside of Jesus’ words is the startling truth that if we desire to save our life we will lose it. However, when we choose to lose our life for His sake, we are then able to find true life- This is good news!

It is on the cross that Jesus once and for all defeated Satan. Paul reminds us in Colossians that we have been made alive with Christ, the anointed One, because He disarmed the powers and authorities and triumphed over them all by the cross.  Col. 2:13-15

Again, we see that out of death, our enemy has been defeated and we can now enter into the abundant life that Jesus calls us to.

My friend, are you truly living today? Are you focusing on the goodness of God despite your current situations?  If not, I want to encourage you to enter into the fullness of God’s goodness.  God will sometimes confront us with deep pain and suffering because He desires to reveal His goodness to us.    We experience the goodness of God only through the revelation of His glory, which is His unique nature and essence.   God displays Himself as supremely good in the midst of the most intense evil and suffering experienced on this earth – the cross of Calvary.

I have a quote hanging in my office that reads, “If I don’t see the cross and what Jesus did for me, then I can NEVER be truly free.”

God has overturned all human pain because He experienced it for us. He displayed His goodness by suffering on our behalf.

And so I leave you with this…..Make pain your friend! Cause any and all pain in your life to catapult you into the arms of a loving Father who created you and has a divine purpose for you here on this earth and for all eternity.  Memorize Jeremiah 29:11 and meditate on its truths and goodness.  Allow pain to bring you to a place of complete dependence on the One who formed you in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139)

Whatever you do, don’t try and escape from your pain, but be with it. Because the attempt to escape from pain only creates more pain.” – Asian Proverb

It is through our pain and suffering that we experience lasting joy and encounter His beautiful glory.  Romans 8:17

http://www.powerofhislove.com

L. Roitsch 5/2017

The Small Things Matter

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Most couples we mentor and counsel, fail to recognize that sometimes even the smallest, and seemingly insignificant things can make a HUGE difference in building a healthy, happy marriage.

Hopefully, every marriage wants their goal to be intimacy.  Staying connected to your spouse can be challenging, but powerful when it is done with focus and intentionality.

Here are a list of powerful, yet small activities, you can engage in to keep your passion burning and the love flowing:

  • Tell your spouse “Thank you” more often.
  • Greet them at the door when they arrive home from a long day – show excitement that they are home!
  • Leave them a hand written love note somewhere they don’t expect it.
  • Every day tell your spouse one thing you appreciate about them.
  • Send a passionate, steamy text message telling your spouse you can’t wait to see them again.
  • Make a list of why you fell in love with your spouse and keep it handy on those days when you need extra encouragement.
  • Say “I am sorry” and take full responsibility if something you said or did hurt your spouse. Owning our mistakes go a long way in building intimacy and trust.
  • Ask your spouse to tell you one thing about themselves that you don’t know yet.
  • Hug your spouse MORE! Physical touch releases oxytocin which helps lower stress levels.

This list is not exhaustive, but rather intended to help you get your creative juices flowing. As you add some of these small gestures to your marriage daily, I promise it will produce tons of benefits.

One thing I learned early in our journey of recovering from sexual addiction and infidelity was to look my spouse in the eye and passionately state, “My goal with you today is connection. I want to do whatever it takes to build trust, intimacy and passion into our marriage.”  As I faithfully voiced my intentions, it gave my spouse room to relax, enjoy the everyday moments of life and went a long, long way in restoring true passion and closeness back into our relationship.

A good marriage doesn’t just happen. It requires work, patience and lots of intentional moments, where your goal is to stay connected with one another no matter the cost.  Love is a choice….every day!

Our prayer is that you choose to love your spouse more, LIVE every day with focus and intention and experience God’s abundant peace and joy in your marriage and family!

God has more in store for you than you can even imagine! Ephesians 3:20

http://www.powerofhislove.com

 

 

 

Friends With Benefits

friendship

I always like to take the week between Christmas and New Year and contemplate all of the past year. For me, 2016 was packed full of surprises, pain, joy and tight pressure from situations that God used to shape me more into His image.  Sometimes restricting me to the point where I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  But God……

As I was sitting in my easy chair today, drinking my lukewarm coffee, I began to entertain the thought of how rich I have become. Now, before you think I am bragging, please understand that my fullness does not come from earthly possessions or material treasures.  Rather, my wealth is found in the abundance of amazing people that have chosen to walk through this season of life with me.  To be specific, my girlfriends.

So, I have decided to dedicate this blog to all the incredibly strong women in my life. Some I have only known for a few months and others, I have known for over 30 years.  Each of you are special, unique and my life would be poverty stricken without you in it.

When I ponder all my girlfriends, tears well up and begin to fall on my lap. I have always prayed and asked God to bring people into my life that He knows will be best for me and wow! has He answered that prayer a thousand-fold!

I think of my oldest friend who has recently moved away and I don’t get to see as much, but now I have a beautiful lake house to go enjoy the hill country with. And then there is my oldest homeschool, all girls family friend, who is like a blood sister in so many ways.  We can go months without speaking and then pick right back up where we last left.

I have some friends who have lived across from me or next to me and know things that no one else does – hee hee!   I pause to muse on one of my newest friends who I found through a “google” search and realized she lived only 25 minutes from my house – my life is so much richer!  I remember friends who have mentored me from afar through their books and writings and then become mentors in the faith for me close up.  Friends who have encouraged me, cheered me on, trusted me and loved me unconditionally.

There are so many friends whom I have raised my girls with, cried with, prayed with, and laughed with. Bold and beautiful….women who are leaders in their ministry, or work place and home.  Tall girlfriends, short ones, little and petite and the lovely curvy ones.  For me, each woman represents a special answer to my prayers.

Our marriages have not been perfect, and our kids certainly have not been. But these women have modeled and shown me how to be strong in weakness.  I think of all the scriptures we have memorized together over the years, all the bible studies we have done, and the long telephone conversations asking each other questions and sometimes never arriving at an answer.

{Big Sigh} Would you like to take the time to sit back with me and name all the wonderfully, imperfect people in your life? You may be surprised and end up embracing a new level of hope and joy, as I have.

I pray you have a friend who will bail you out of jail when there was a big misunderstanding over a check you wrote, or a friend who will drive for hours in the night just to see you.  I pray you have a friend who will allow you the luxury of staying at her house when you needed a fun place to stay instead of paying for a hotel.  Or perhaps you need a friend who knows just the right cheesy card to send you when you are having a bad day.

Bravo, bravo to all the wives who I have sobbed with and counseled to keep loving their marriage, their spouse and their family. Sometimes, the world tells you to “just throw in the towel”….but that was NEVER an option for you!   Thank You!  For I have become a better person because YOU didn’t quit!

Here, here to girlfriends! Homage to all the women who refuse to give up!  Who don’t back down and love a good challenge.  Blessings to all the fearless ladies who have raised children, kept their marriages, sometimes with passion and sometimes with pain, cooked countless meals, cleaned up poop and throw up and then rescued the neighborhood’s stray animal.  To all the women and ladies who have ministered to the homeless, counted out their last change to give away, and who stood and believed when you were not able….

WELL DONE! You are a good and faithful servant and friend!

I love to read Oswald Chambers, My Upmost for His Highest. At the beginning of every year, I read the first post, January 1.  At the close of his writing, Oswald states, “When we think seriously about what it will cost others if we obey the call of Jesus, we tell God He doesn’t know what our obedience will mean. Keep to the point— He does know. Shut out every other thought and keep yourself before God in this one thing only— my utmost for His highest. I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone.”

I am so blessed to be surrounded by women who have determined to keep themselves entirely for HIM! For Christ alone. I have not done this perfectly, and neither have they, but I sure am grateful that we know the One who did!

To all the faithful ones, the forgiven, the saints……thank you Robin, Nicole, Tina, Michelle, Charlotte, DeeAnn, Maggie, Kathi, Gloria, Susan, Gail, Carolyn, Angela, Kim, Toni, LeeAnn, Diana, Victoria, Jean, Monica, Jodi, Ghia, Melissa, Billie, Amanda, Gigi, Tiffani, Ronnie, Adryanna, Shannon, Vanessa, Laura, and of course, Carissa, Loryn and Kaleigh Ann, my 3 “grown up” angels.  #bebrave

http://www.lisaroitsch.com

 

 

There is a Light!

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God desires to make His dwelling place within the physical vessels of man and woman. Have you prepared a place for him?  Have you cleaned your house and allowed Him access?

The recesses of your soul are craving His presence and light. Invite Him to come in and bring His love, joy and peace.   Your heart, the very essence of who you are, has the ability to be completely filled with His goodness.  Cast yourself upon Him and immerse yourself in His love.  It is then your purpose and identity will begin to be formed within you and you will discover the exciting treasures of who you are supposed to be.  It is like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning when you were a child.

You are defined by the love and acceptance of the Creator and Sustainer of the universe. He happens to think you are worth loving……deeply!  Find your identity in Him.

God is pleased to make you His very own.  He doesn’t feel sorry for you.  And He isn’t obligated to you.  He chose you because He delights in you!  You were never meant to get through life struggling and by the skin of your teeth.  You were meant to flourish in the love and acceptance of the Most High God – Almighty Jehovah.

I see a myriad of rooms once in darkness, where the light is shining in…..where there once was cobwebs and dust, a gleaming sparkle is taking over. Where there is no more darkness, pain or loneliness.

Oh, sing the praises of the One who has brought you out of the darkness and into His marvelous light!  I Peter 2:9

 www.lisaroitsch.com

 

In a FOG!

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F.O.G. – Favor of God

In the last lines of Psalms 23, David makes a profound declaration over his life – “….Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me ALL the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”  Wow – pretty powerful!

Over the last few months I have actually been looking for the favor of God to be on my life.  I expect it- and I even go one step further and hunt for His goodness and mercy.  When we hunt for something we push aside those things that hinder us from finding what we are seeking.  Shove away everything that is blocking you from grabbing ahold of God’s favor.  Our heavenly Father has given us ALL things that pertain to life and godliness, in Christ Jesus (2 Peter 1:3)

I believe as children of God we should live expectantly.   I strive to open up every new day with a earnest awareness that God is going to move into my room and empower me.  I want to change my home, community, city and world for the better.  I want to leave a legacy behind of good.  I desire to be a history maker!

I realize that the cares of this life can wear you down.  It can seem as if the sun will never shine again on that specific situation you are believing for a miracle.  Maybe you are struggling with an illness or disease that the doctors don’t give much hope.  Perhaps you are believing for a marriage to be restored to its former beauty or even believing for a prodigal child to come home.  I want to encourage you to stay strong.  Unexpected sunshine is about to appear!  THE “God of the Suddenly’s” can shine at any moment.

Even as I write this I am pressing into God deeper so that I can see favor and mercy in my physical body.  Over the last 5 weeks I have been in chronic pain and have seen doctors and many physical therapists.  I am expecting God to move everyday to heal and restore me completely.  But while I am waiting, I am declaring the favor of God over my life.  Like David, I am believing and I am confident that God’s goodness is following me and I will not be left in this condition.  I choose to be in a F.O.G. every day.

It is not always easy to push past the pain, but we must.  Pain CAN become your friend – tell pain to work positive benefits in your life.  All it takes is a different perspective.  Lift your eyes up higher – to the face of God.  From up above, your situation will look a whole lot different.  Allow God’s goodness and mercy to become a song over your life and be sure and turn around and see it following you.

I bless you dear reader, to be a tenacious person.  One who keeps a firm hold of something- cling to the promises of God!  Do not grow easily dispelled but, rather be unshakeable, unmovable, unyielding,  and unwavering in decreeing and believing in the favor of God over your life!

Pray and confess this prayer over yourself:

This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.  God has NOT created me for nothing.  He has given me specific assignments and services to offer those around me.  I shall do the work of the LORD.  I will trust Him.  The anointing of God is upon my life and gives me favor in the eyes of God and man every day.  I shall walk daily in victory and liberty of the spirit.   Amen!

http://www.lisaroitsch.com

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As always, I would love to hear from you.  Email me at lroitsch@gmail.com